Sunday, September 4, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Divorce support for men. Dealing with divorce and separation.
Article by M Porteous
With the statistics showing that divorce is at an all time high the level of support for divorcees has skyrocketed to help people get through this very difficult time in their lives and find a way to move on. Unfortunately that level of support is extremely skewed to help women, not men dealing with divorce! So with divorce support for men so low what does a man after divorce do? OR perhaps more importantly what should they NOT do!
The first problem most guys face is coping with the reality of being a divorcee. This can sometimes take some time to sink in and before the realization settles men can go through a wide range of emotions and actions. Many can refuse to believe they are really divorced, in their hearts they are still married even if they do not feel in love and others feel in love but feel separated. To cope with these things men will usually do one of two things: Nothing or Everything! When they do nothing they can become deeply depressed and a recent statistic shows they are much more likely than the woman to commit suicide, whether this stems from the lack of support for men compared to women or just that men are more susceptible to these things is unclear but since men are usually creatures of action doing the opposite can be very detrimental to their mental health.The opposite effect is that the man tries to cope with this new situation by doing as much as he can with his life so he does not have to focus on his emotions. A great focus on work or on socializing or some other activity to keep himself busy becomes the main goal in the mans life. While this can be better than the lethargy of depression men often do things they regret during this period such as; sleeping around to fill the void of intimacy, alcoholism, getting into fights, and of course not resolving their emotional conflict.To compound these issues women are more likely to have a social network of friends they can rely on to help them emotionally whereas the man will not have the relationships with his friends to talk about such things and the man himself may not feel comfortable looking for help from other men even professionals.
So where is a divorced man suppose to go for help? There may be no perfect advice for men after divorce and while we can generalize on the character of males we are all different enough that we all need different solutions. The best advice I have heard however that man is is a natural problem solver, give a man the information and tools he needs to solve a problem and he will eventually build something that works. Divorce support for men may simply be giving a man as much easily accessed information so he can occupy himself with solving his own problems. Men dealing with divorce and separation may always be seen as lesser problem than the women but thanks to the internet it is much easier for men to access the help they need without the social stigma and embarrassment they might feel in real life.
email:- divorceadvocate@aol.in
With the statistics showing that divorce is at an all time high the level of support for divorcees has skyrocketed to help people get through this very difficult time in their lives and find a way to move on. Unfortunately that level of support is extremely skewed to help women, not men dealing with divorce! So with divorce support for men so low what does a man after divorce do? OR perhaps more importantly what should they NOT do!
The first problem most guys face is coping with the reality of being a divorcee. This can sometimes take some time to sink in and before the realization settles men can go through a wide range of emotions and actions. Many can refuse to believe they are really divorced, in their hearts they are still married even if they do not feel in love and others feel in love but feel separated. To cope with these things men will usually do one of two things: Nothing or Everything! When they do nothing they can become deeply depressed and a recent statistic shows they are much more likely than the woman to commit suicide, whether this stems from the lack of support for men compared to women or just that men are more susceptible to these things is unclear but since men are usually creatures of action doing the opposite can be very detrimental to their mental health.The opposite effect is that the man tries to cope with this new situation by doing as much as he can with his life so he does not have to focus on his emotions. A great focus on work or on socializing or some other activity to keep himself busy becomes the main goal in the mans life. While this can be better than the lethargy of depression men often do things they regret during this period such as; sleeping around to fill the void of intimacy, alcoholism, getting into fights, and of course not resolving their emotional conflict.To compound these issues women are more likely to have a social network of friends they can rely on to help them emotionally whereas the man will not have the relationships with his friends to talk about such things and the man himself may not feel comfortable looking for help from other men even professionals.
So where is a divorced man suppose to go for help? There may be no perfect advice for men after divorce and while we can generalize on the character of males we are all different enough that we all need different solutions. The best advice I have heard however that man is is a natural problem solver, give a man the information and tools he needs to solve a problem and he will eventually build something that works. Divorce support for men may simply be giving a man as much easily accessed information so he can occupy himself with solving his own problems. Men dealing with divorce and separation may always be seen as lesser problem than the women but thanks to the internet it is much easier for men to access the help they need without the social stigma and embarrassment they might feel in real life.
email:- divorceadvocate@aol.in
Older men still play games. Beware of internet dating.
Can I just begin by saying that I love men, and I would not tar all men with the same brush, but I might beat most of the them with the same stick.
My comments for the purpose of this article are aimed at older women.
Ladies, don’t you think that men, at the mature and life experienced age of their early fifties, would have abandoned the idea of talking vebal…. vebal what? yes verbal that!
Well alas, it may not be so, still pours forth.
I read in the paper recently, an article about separation and relationships and a very interesting statement was made, ‘men give love for sex, women give sex for love’.
And they are still doing it, years later, when they should know better.
Let take a loose example, a lady in her late forties, is separated/divorced. She is partly or wholly through the mayhem that ensues, she has become lonely for companionship and attention, and decides the time is right to go back into the world of dating. But where does she go? All her friends are married or attached and the only interest she receives is from pat the postman, who is short and giddy, and frankly does nothing for her.
So she turns to the world of internet dating. It should come with ‘buyer beware’ stamped all over it!
Wouldnt you think that the older men are now matured and looking for companionship too. Yes, yes, before you shout at me, all the men out there, we know YOU are different
Well the simple answer is no, there are still older men out there, who havent a notion in hell of settling down, committing or being Mr Right.
Loads of Mr Wrongs out there im afraid.
And just as the simple things in life are free, and simple uncomplicated advice can be best, this is mine.
Beware the man that jumps, or should I say appears to jump in too soon. Declaring undying love, coming out with the ‘old one’, ‘I will always bthere for you’, and having the audacity to discuss future trips to Italy. ALL ON THE FIRST DATE.
Run away, or if you are mad about him, at the very least, don’t go along with it. Tell him you are flattered but he must slow down and its way too soon to talk like that. Even if your heart is leapfrogging all over your body, and your hormones have regressed to the mental age of 17, shut up and smile a little condescendingly and nod.
Say nothing, zip it, dont reciprocate, and whatever you do, DON’T go to bed.
If you do, chances are the very next day, he will tell you how ‘lovely you are’, but he has a lot on at the moment, and he doesnt see the relationship going anywhere.
Yes, it can happen to you.
Sorry, just careful, and yes i’m afraid, you still have to play stupid games, that you long to leave behind with your teenage years.
Written by : Lynnmargaet
Contact Divorce Advocate at email: divorceadvocate@aol.in
Ph:- 9962999008
My comments for the purpose of this article are aimed at older women.
Ladies, don’t you think that men, at the mature and life experienced age of their early fifties, would have abandoned the idea of talking vebal…. vebal what? yes verbal that!
Well alas, it may not be so, still pours forth.
I read in the paper recently, an article about separation and relationships and a very interesting statement was made, ‘men give love for sex, women give sex for love’.
And they are still doing it, years later, when they should know better.
Let take a loose example, a lady in her late forties, is separated/divorced. She is partly or wholly through the mayhem that ensues, she has become lonely for companionship and attention, and decides the time is right to go back into the world of dating. But where does she go? All her friends are married or attached and the only interest she receives is from pat the postman, who is short and giddy, and frankly does nothing for her.
So she turns to the world of internet dating. It should come with ‘buyer beware’ stamped all over it!
Wouldnt you think that the older men are now matured and looking for companionship too. Yes, yes, before you shout at me, all the men out there, we know YOU are different
Well the simple answer is no, there are still older men out there, who havent a notion in hell of settling down, committing or being Mr Right.
Loads of Mr Wrongs out there im afraid.
And just as the simple things in life are free, and simple uncomplicated advice can be best, this is mine.
Beware the man that jumps, or should I say appears to jump in too soon. Declaring undying love, coming out with the ‘old one’, ‘I will always bthere for you’, and having the audacity to discuss future trips to Italy. ALL ON THE FIRST DATE.
Run away, or if you are mad about him, at the very least, don’t go along with it. Tell him you are flattered but he must slow down and its way too soon to talk like that. Even if your heart is leapfrogging all over your body, and your hormones have regressed to the mental age of 17, shut up and smile a little condescendingly and nod.
Say nothing, zip it, dont reciprocate, and whatever you do, DON’T go to bed.
If you do, chances are the very next day, he will tell you how ‘lovely you are’, but he has a lot on at the moment, and he doesnt see the relationship going anywhere.
Yes, it can happen to you.
Sorry, just careful, and yes i’m afraid, you still have to play stupid games, that you long to leave behind with your teenage years.
Written by : Lynnmargaet
Contact Divorce Advocate at email: divorceadvocate@aol.in
Ph:- 9962999008
Friday, July 15, 2011
Social network now becames evidence in Child custody
Child custody battles can get contentious, but one couple took that to an extreme recently. Amid the messy Child Custody dispute, a woman apparently created a fake Facebook account to catch her ex-husband in a lie. It worked at first, but the tables were later turned.
The 29-year-old woman reportedly created a Facebook account for a fake 17-year-old girl with the phony name "Jessica Studebaker" and then friended her ex-spouse. She apparently initiated an online conversation with him with the hope of producing evidence that he is an unfit father.
The social networking site now becomes a evidence making tool for the unfair couples in divorce cases.
By Team Daniel & Daniel
Helpline:- 9962999008.
The 29-year-old woman reportedly created a Facebook account for a fake 17-year-old girl with the phony name "Jessica Studebaker" and then friended her ex-spouse. She apparently initiated an online conversation with him with the hope of producing evidence that he is an unfit father.
The social networking site now becomes a evidence making tool for the unfair couples in divorce cases.
By Team Daniel & Daniel
Helpline:- 9962999008.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wife is always right, says SC
Husbands wanting to lead a happy married life can rely on some useful tips given by the Supreme Court, the most important being: "Do what the wife tells you and never question her authority." The words of wisdom came from two ‘Bhuktbhogi’ judges -- Justices Markandey Katju and Deepak Verma -- during the inconclusive hearing of a 17-year-old divorce litigation between a serving Lieutenant Colonel and his wife. The vacation Bench comprising these two judges asked the counsel whether there was any scope of compromise between the two and both in unison gave different reasons to say that there was no possibility for a happy ending to their dispute. The wife's counsel said that the Rs 10 lakh offered by the husband for complete settlement of the dispute and divorce was too little as it was not easy to bring up a teenaged daughter. She was married in 1991 and was allegedly thrown out of the house in 1992 after which he had moved the court for divorce. While the trial court dismissed his divorce plea, the HC had allowed judicial separation. But on her appeal against this order, a division Bench of the HC had granted divorce to him. Terming this order as erroneous, she had moved the apex court. The husband had an altogether different story to tell. She had filed several criminal cases against him that included charges like -- `he takes bath like a dog' and `he commits sodomy'. The counsel said he had fought the cases for over 17 years and had been exonerated of all charges. "He has been ruined financially and professionally, but still wanted to settle by giving Rs 10 lakh to her for a divorce," he added. Justice Katju, while adjourning hearing on the case, decided that it was time for the husband to get a few tips from him about how to lead a happy married life. "You should always agree with her. When you agree to what she says, you will always remain happy. If she tells you to look this way, do that. And if she tells you the next moment to look the other way, again do that," Justice Katju said much to the amusement of the lawyers who were waiting their turn to argue their case before the vacation Bench. And to convince them about the usefulness of his advice, Justice Katju said: "We are talking from experience (Hum sab bhuktbhogi hain)." The writer can be contacted at : advocatechennai@gmail.com or Ph: 9962999008.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Why womens are not seeking divorce when their husbands live in Adultery?
The Hindu Marriage Act provides that any marriage solemnized, whether before or after the commencement of this Act, may, on a petition presented by either the husband or the wife, be dissolved by a decree of divorce on the ground that the other party is living in adultery.
What is Adultery?
Adultery means Sexual intercourse between a married person and a third party. Adultery is when a woman has voluntary sexual intercourse with a person other than her husband, at other places adultery is when a woman has voluntary sexual intercourse with a third person without her husband’s consent.
A divorce can be granted if it is proven that one partner in a marriage has had an affair and committed adultery, defined as having had sexual intercourse with a person of the opposite sex other than their spouse, and if the spouse finds it intolerable for the marriage to continue.
When applying for divorce on grounds of adultery, it is necessary to provide the courts with as much evidence as possible about the alleged adulterous affair, such as places and dates. If the partner who has had the affair or affairs does not contest the divorce, then it will usually be granted with little difficulty. However, if the divorce is contested, detailed evidence will be required to satisfy the courts that the affair actually occurred, and the process may be lengthy and expensive. It is not necessary to name the ‘co-respondent’ – the person with whom the adulterous affair took place - and many lawyers advise against doing so as it may cause unnecessary delay and additional expense if the co-respondent contests the petition. There is often little reason for a co-respondent to cooperate, particularly as they may be ordered to pay a portion of the court costs if a divorce is granted.
It is very difficult to produce direct evidence to prove an act of adultery. Adultery is a matrimonial offence as well as a criminal offence. The requirement of proof in a criminal case is stricter than the requirement in a matrimonial case. In the former case the act is to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, whereas in the latter the evidence is based on the inferences and possibilities.
Thus the offence of adultery may be proved by:
1. Circumstantial evidence
2. By evidence as to non-access and birth of a child
3. By evidence of visits to brothels
4. By contracting venereal diseases
5. Confession and admission to parties; and
6. Preponderance of probability
Hence in proving the adulterous act of the spouse many have not suggested to file divorce on the basis of adultery.
The author Mr.Satish Kumar can be contacted at divorceadvocate@aol.in
What is Adultery?
Adultery means Sexual intercourse between a married person and a third party. Adultery is when a woman has voluntary sexual intercourse with a person other than her husband, at other places adultery is when a woman has voluntary sexual intercourse with a third person without her husband’s consent.
A divorce can be granted if it is proven that one partner in a marriage has had an affair and committed adultery, defined as having had sexual intercourse with a person of the opposite sex other than their spouse, and if the spouse finds it intolerable for the marriage to continue.
When applying for divorce on grounds of adultery, it is necessary to provide the courts with as much evidence as possible about the alleged adulterous affair, such as places and dates. If the partner who has had the affair or affairs does not contest the divorce, then it will usually be granted with little difficulty. However, if the divorce is contested, detailed evidence will be required to satisfy the courts that the affair actually occurred, and the process may be lengthy and expensive. It is not necessary to name the ‘co-respondent’ – the person with whom the adulterous affair took place - and many lawyers advise against doing so as it may cause unnecessary delay and additional expense if the co-respondent contests the petition. There is often little reason for a co-respondent to cooperate, particularly as they may be ordered to pay a portion of the court costs if a divorce is granted.
It is very difficult to produce direct evidence to prove an act of adultery. Adultery is a matrimonial offence as well as a criminal offence. The requirement of proof in a criminal case is stricter than the requirement in a matrimonial case. In the former case the act is to be proved beyond reasonable doubt, whereas in the latter the evidence is based on the inferences and possibilities.
Thus the offence of adultery may be proved by:
1. Circumstantial evidence
2. By evidence as to non-access and birth of a child
3. By evidence of visits to brothels
4. By contracting venereal diseases
5. Confession and admission to parties; and
6. Preponderance of probability
Hence in proving the adulterous act of the spouse many have not suggested to file divorce on the basis of adultery.
The author Mr.Satish Kumar can be contacted at divorceadvocate@aol.in
Saturday, November 20, 2010
How to tackle sexual harassment at work
Women were taunted and teased by male coworkers and harassed all the time. Women in India were not very protected and many cases of bosses demanding sexual favors in the workforce were ignored. While some found it was all in good fun, many women were degraded and humiliated and felt powerless to do anything about it. It is ironic that even though many men loved the sexual teasing and the innuendos they received, others felt embarrassed and cheapened and got a taste of what women have been going through for centuries. With this new insight came the realization that laws concerning sexual harassment had to be legislated and enforced.
Who can be a sexual harasser?. The answer is anyone: a boss: an employee, a teacher, a principal, director, administrator, coworker, janitorial staff, client, restaurant personal, pizza delivery guy, or student. Anyone performing a duty in the work force as a director, or employee can be harassed by another person or people in their work environment. Or can be sexually harassed by an individual providing a service, which is essential in their line of business. For example, the UPS man who comes to deliver parcels harasses a secretary. People in the public such as a bartender, waiter, private contractor, taxi driver and so on can harass individuals.
Sexual harassment is the unwanted, unappreciated sexual advances from one individual to another. It could be sexual favors, inappropriate behavior and touching, lewd remarks and innuendoes direct or indirectly made. Basically it can be anything of a sexual nature, which makes the victim feel uncomfortable. This sexual harassment can be a condition of remaining employed as in the situation of boss and employee, or a condition created in the work environment amongst the employees.
The harasser is not always aware that his or her behavior is offensive. That is why it is very important to speak with the offender before taken further action. Of course, if the harasser is too strong or overpowering for any individual resulting in the victim being afraid to confront the harasser, then taken it up with the Human Rights Forum or to the National Women commission is completely justified.
If the victim has spoken with the harasser and nothing has changed, then the next step again, is taking it up with the Law enforcing authorities. If it is a small office then taking up with the immediate supervisor is called for.
Many women are afraid of retaliation. Women are often afraid to talk out for fear of retaliation or alienation by other co-workers. Fortunately, the sexual harassment policies of most major companies do not reveal the identity of the person who filed the complaint. However, this does not always work and even women have been known to turn their backs on other women who have filed a complaint.
There are many offenses of sexual harassment; sexual harassment is not about sex and what bothers one person won’t necessarily bother someone else. Some think that any unwanted touch, sexual comments, or sexual attention is considered sexual harassment. Communicating and telling someone that these acts are offensive to you, may stop the action right then and there. Some people ‘test the waters’ and see how far they can go with individuals in the office.
Also, the above conduct is not sexual harassment if it is welcome or permitted. If you flirt back and indulge in exchanging off-color jokes, it is not sexual harassment if you decide a joke went ‘over the line’ and offended you. You’ve already given out liberal boundaries. It is important to communicate (either verbally, in writing, or by your own actions) to the harasser that the conduct makes you uncomfortable and that you want it to stop.
Sexual harassing behavior may be common, but it is not "normal" Here are some examples:
1] Verbal or written: Comments about yours or others’ clothing, or your personal behavior, or a person’s body; sexual or sex-based jokes; requesting sexual favors or repeatedly asking a person out; sexual innuendoes; telling rumors about a person’s personal or sexual life; threatening a person
2] Physical: Assault; impeding or blocking movement; inappropriate touching of a person or a person’s clothing; kissing, hugging, patting, stroking
3] Nonverbal: Looking up and down a person’s body; derogatory gestures or facial expressions of a sexual nature; or following a person
4] Visual: Posters, drawings, pictures, screensavers or emails of a sexual nature; most companies have standards of what you can put on your walls
If the offensive actions above are directed to you, then the following is suggested:
1] Demand that the specific behavior stop. Be direct, firm and say "NO".
2] Don’t make excuses why you don’t want the behavior; this implies that you would welcome it otherwise. Don’t protect the harasser or pretend nothing has happened; it has.
3] Stand by your principles and state them. Harassers are good at making excuses and wanting to talk about it. Refuse to discuss the issue with them or be manipulated in thinking you are the wrong one.
4] The focus is on the harasser’s behavior - not yours.
5] Be strong; make eye contact and stand tall. Don’t smile - this is serious; not a social visit. If the harasser tries to make physical contact with you, grasp his or her arm away and say, "NO". "DO NOT TOUCH ME".
6] Tell others about the ordeal(s). If you are silent, it not only protects the harasser, but may instill him or her to be bolder.
The conduct of the harasser must either be severe or it must be pervasive to be sexual harassment. A single incident is probably not sexual harassment unless it is severe. If you feel it is, document any harassments and keep a log of when and what happened; include dates and if there were any witnesses. Save your emails on a CD and bring it home. Also bring home any notes, mail or emails that are related even if they are anonymous.
Try to have a buddy available as a deterrent or as a witness when this person tries to approach you. Document any actions involving your harassment if the harasser is in a supervisory position and subsequently gives you a poor evaluation or demotions, and keep copies of them. Likewise, keep similar positive evaluations or performance appraisals before the alleged incidents that will show changed behavior of the perpetrator’s part.
Go ahead with formal complaints with Human Rights Forum or Women’s commission and Even to Police ( Now the country has many All Women Police Station), if it continues. Try to have as much documented proof and/or witnesses who can verify what has happened or seek others who may have had the same problem with the harasser. Consult with a legal entity if you suspect violence or stalking. Remember to stay calm. You did nothing wrong. Staying calm is important to your cause so as not to create a hostile environment in the workplace that it becomes a problem for the department and you become the problem, too. The harasser is hoping you do that to keep the spotlight off of them. The odds are on your side to have this situation remedied.
If you are being sexually harassed, do something today. You won’t lose your job. Don’t think it will go away, or if it is a supervisor or high level manager, that you will lose your job. You won’t. But they might.
Presently, there are no legislative enactments or statutory policies against sexual harassment and abuse at work places. In the absence of an enacted law to provide for the effective enforcement of gender equality and guarantee against sexual harassment, the Supreme Court of India (in the matter of Vishaka & othr. v. State of Rajasthan) laid down certain guidelines and norms for due observance at all work places whether public or private sector and these guidelines are treated as the law declared by the Supreme Court under Article 141 of the Constitution of India ("Guidelines") and enforceable in law until suitable legislation is enacted by the Indian Parliament.
The writer can be contacted at : advocatechennai@gmail.com or Telephone: +919962999008.
Who can be a sexual harasser?. The answer is anyone: a boss: an employee, a teacher, a principal, director, administrator, coworker, janitorial staff, client, restaurant personal, pizza delivery guy, or student. Anyone performing a duty in the work force as a director, or employee can be harassed by another person or people in their work environment. Or can be sexually harassed by an individual providing a service, which is essential in their line of business. For example, the UPS man who comes to deliver parcels harasses a secretary. People in the public such as a bartender, waiter, private contractor, taxi driver and so on can harass individuals.
Sexual harassment is the unwanted, unappreciated sexual advances from one individual to another. It could be sexual favors, inappropriate behavior and touching, lewd remarks and innuendoes direct or indirectly made. Basically it can be anything of a sexual nature, which makes the victim feel uncomfortable. This sexual harassment can be a condition of remaining employed as in the situation of boss and employee, or a condition created in the work environment amongst the employees.
The harasser is not always aware that his or her behavior is offensive. That is why it is very important to speak with the offender before taken further action. Of course, if the harasser is too strong or overpowering for any individual resulting in the victim being afraid to confront the harasser, then taken it up with the Human Rights Forum or to the National Women commission is completely justified.
If the victim has spoken with the harasser and nothing has changed, then the next step again, is taking it up with the Law enforcing authorities. If it is a small office then taking up with the immediate supervisor is called for.
Many women are afraid of retaliation. Women are often afraid to talk out for fear of retaliation or alienation by other co-workers. Fortunately, the sexual harassment policies of most major companies do not reveal the identity of the person who filed the complaint. However, this does not always work and even women have been known to turn their backs on other women who have filed a complaint.
There are many offenses of sexual harassment; sexual harassment is not about sex and what bothers one person won’t necessarily bother someone else. Some think that any unwanted touch, sexual comments, or sexual attention is considered sexual harassment. Communicating and telling someone that these acts are offensive to you, may stop the action right then and there. Some people ‘test the waters’ and see how far they can go with individuals in the office.
Also, the above conduct is not sexual harassment if it is welcome or permitted. If you flirt back and indulge in exchanging off-color jokes, it is not sexual harassment if you decide a joke went ‘over the line’ and offended you. You’ve already given out liberal boundaries. It is important to communicate (either verbally, in writing, or by your own actions) to the harasser that the conduct makes you uncomfortable and that you want it to stop.
Sexual harassing behavior may be common, but it is not "normal" Here are some examples:
1] Verbal or written: Comments about yours or others’ clothing, or your personal behavior, or a person’s body; sexual or sex-based jokes; requesting sexual favors or repeatedly asking a person out; sexual innuendoes; telling rumors about a person’s personal or sexual life; threatening a person
2] Physical: Assault; impeding or blocking movement; inappropriate touching of a person or a person’s clothing; kissing, hugging, patting, stroking
3] Nonverbal: Looking up and down a person’s body; derogatory gestures or facial expressions of a sexual nature; or following a person
4] Visual: Posters, drawings, pictures, screensavers or emails of a sexual nature; most companies have standards of what you can put on your walls
If the offensive actions above are directed to you, then the following is suggested:
1] Demand that the specific behavior stop. Be direct, firm and say "NO".
2] Don’t make excuses why you don’t want the behavior; this implies that you would welcome it otherwise. Don’t protect the harasser or pretend nothing has happened; it has.
3] Stand by your principles and state them. Harassers are good at making excuses and wanting to talk about it. Refuse to discuss the issue with them or be manipulated in thinking you are the wrong one.
4] The focus is on the harasser’s behavior - not yours.
5] Be strong; make eye contact and stand tall. Don’t smile - this is serious; not a social visit. If the harasser tries to make physical contact with you, grasp his or her arm away and say, "NO". "DO NOT TOUCH ME".
6] Tell others about the ordeal(s). If you are silent, it not only protects the harasser, but may instill him or her to be bolder.
The conduct of the harasser must either be severe or it must be pervasive to be sexual harassment. A single incident is probably not sexual harassment unless it is severe. If you feel it is, document any harassments and keep a log of when and what happened; include dates and if there were any witnesses. Save your emails on a CD and bring it home. Also bring home any notes, mail or emails that are related even if they are anonymous.
Try to have a buddy available as a deterrent or as a witness when this person tries to approach you. Document any actions involving your harassment if the harasser is in a supervisory position and subsequently gives you a poor evaluation or demotions, and keep copies of them. Likewise, keep similar positive evaluations or performance appraisals before the alleged incidents that will show changed behavior of the perpetrator’s part.
Go ahead with formal complaints with Human Rights Forum or Women’s commission and Even to Police ( Now the country has many All Women Police Station), if it continues. Try to have as much documented proof and/or witnesses who can verify what has happened or seek others who may have had the same problem with the harasser. Consult with a legal entity if you suspect violence or stalking. Remember to stay calm. You did nothing wrong. Staying calm is important to your cause so as not to create a hostile environment in the workplace that it becomes a problem for the department and you become the problem, too. The harasser is hoping you do that to keep the spotlight off of them. The odds are on your side to have this situation remedied.
If you are being sexually harassed, do something today. You won’t lose your job. Don’t think it will go away, or if it is a supervisor or high level manager, that you will lose your job. You won’t. But they might.
Presently, there are no legislative enactments or statutory policies against sexual harassment and abuse at work places. In the absence of an enacted law to provide for the effective enforcement of gender equality and guarantee against sexual harassment, the Supreme Court of India (in the matter of Vishaka & othr. v. State of Rajasthan) laid down certain guidelines and norms for due observance at all work places whether public or private sector and these guidelines are treated as the law declared by the Supreme Court under Article 141 of the Constitution of India ("Guidelines") and enforceable in law until suitable legislation is enacted by the Indian Parliament.
The writer can be contacted at : advocatechennai@gmail.com or Telephone: +919962999008.
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