Sunday, September 4, 2011
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Divorce support for men. Dealing with divorce and separation.
Article by M Porteous
With the statistics showing that divorce is at an all time high the level of support for divorcees has skyrocketed to help people get through this very difficult time in their lives and find a way to move on. Unfortunately that level of support is extremely skewed to help women, not men dealing with divorce! So with divorce support for men so low what does a man after divorce do? OR perhaps more importantly what should they NOT do!
The first problem most guys face is coping with the reality of being a divorcee. This can sometimes take some time to sink in and before the realization settles men can go through a wide range of emotions and actions. Many can refuse to believe they are really divorced, in their hearts they are still married even if they do not feel in love and others feel in love but feel separated. To cope with these things men will usually do one of two things: Nothing or Everything! When they do nothing they can become deeply depressed and a recent statistic shows they are much more likely than the woman to commit suicide, whether this stems from the lack of support for men compared to women or just that men are more susceptible to these things is unclear but since men are usually creatures of action doing the opposite can be very detrimental to their mental health.The opposite effect is that the man tries to cope with this new situation by doing as much as he can with his life so he does not have to focus on his emotions. A great focus on work or on socializing or some other activity to keep himself busy becomes the main goal in the mans life. While this can be better than the lethargy of depression men often do things they regret during this period such as; sleeping around to fill the void of intimacy, alcoholism, getting into fights, and of course not resolving their emotional conflict.To compound these issues women are more likely to have a social network of friends they can rely on to help them emotionally whereas the man will not have the relationships with his friends to talk about such things and the man himself may not feel comfortable looking for help from other men even professionals.
So where is a divorced man suppose to go for help? There may be no perfect advice for men after divorce and while we can generalize on the character of males we are all different enough that we all need different solutions. The best advice I have heard however that man is is a natural problem solver, give a man the information and tools he needs to solve a problem and he will eventually build something that works. Divorce support for men may simply be giving a man as much easily accessed information so he can occupy himself with solving his own problems. Men dealing with divorce and separation may always be seen as lesser problem than the women but thanks to the internet it is much easier for men to access the help they need without the social stigma and embarrassment they might feel in real life.
email:- divorceadvocate@aol.in
With the statistics showing that divorce is at an all time high the level of support for divorcees has skyrocketed to help people get through this very difficult time in their lives and find a way to move on. Unfortunately that level of support is extremely skewed to help women, not men dealing with divorce! So with divorce support for men so low what does a man after divorce do? OR perhaps more importantly what should they NOT do!
The first problem most guys face is coping with the reality of being a divorcee. This can sometimes take some time to sink in and before the realization settles men can go through a wide range of emotions and actions. Many can refuse to believe they are really divorced, in their hearts they are still married even if they do not feel in love and others feel in love but feel separated. To cope with these things men will usually do one of two things: Nothing or Everything! When they do nothing they can become deeply depressed and a recent statistic shows they are much more likely than the woman to commit suicide, whether this stems from the lack of support for men compared to women or just that men are more susceptible to these things is unclear but since men are usually creatures of action doing the opposite can be very detrimental to their mental health.The opposite effect is that the man tries to cope with this new situation by doing as much as he can with his life so he does not have to focus on his emotions. A great focus on work or on socializing or some other activity to keep himself busy becomes the main goal in the mans life. While this can be better than the lethargy of depression men often do things they regret during this period such as; sleeping around to fill the void of intimacy, alcoholism, getting into fights, and of course not resolving their emotional conflict.To compound these issues women are more likely to have a social network of friends they can rely on to help them emotionally whereas the man will not have the relationships with his friends to talk about such things and the man himself may not feel comfortable looking for help from other men even professionals.
So where is a divorced man suppose to go for help? There may be no perfect advice for men after divorce and while we can generalize on the character of males we are all different enough that we all need different solutions. The best advice I have heard however that man is is a natural problem solver, give a man the information and tools he needs to solve a problem and he will eventually build something that works. Divorce support for men may simply be giving a man as much easily accessed information so he can occupy himself with solving his own problems. Men dealing with divorce and separation may always be seen as lesser problem than the women but thanks to the internet it is much easier for men to access the help they need without the social stigma and embarrassment they might feel in real life.
email:- divorceadvocate@aol.in
Older men still play games. Beware of internet dating.
Can I just begin by saying that I love men, and I would not tar all men with the same brush, but I might beat most of the them with the same stick.
My comments for the purpose of this article are aimed at older women.
Ladies, don’t you think that men, at the mature and life experienced age of their early fifties, would have abandoned the idea of talking vebal…. vebal what? yes verbal that!
Well alas, it may not be so, still pours forth.
I read in the paper recently, an article about separation and relationships and a very interesting statement was made, ‘men give love for sex, women give sex for love’.
And they are still doing it, years later, when they should know better.
Let take a loose example, a lady in her late forties, is separated/divorced. She is partly or wholly through the mayhem that ensues, she has become lonely for companionship and attention, and decides the time is right to go back into the world of dating. But where does she go? All her friends are married or attached and the only interest she receives is from pat the postman, who is short and giddy, and frankly does nothing for her.
So she turns to the world of internet dating. It should come with ‘buyer beware’ stamped all over it!
Wouldnt you think that the older men are now matured and looking for companionship too. Yes, yes, before you shout at me, all the men out there, we know YOU are different
Well the simple answer is no, there are still older men out there, who havent a notion in hell of settling down, committing or being Mr Right.
Loads of Mr Wrongs out there im afraid.
And just as the simple things in life are free, and simple uncomplicated advice can be best, this is mine.
Beware the man that jumps, or should I say appears to jump in too soon. Declaring undying love, coming out with the ‘old one’, ‘I will always bthere for you’, and having the audacity to discuss future trips to Italy. ALL ON THE FIRST DATE.
Run away, or if you are mad about him, at the very least, don’t go along with it. Tell him you are flattered but he must slow down and its way too soon to talk like that. Even if your heart is leapfrogging all over your body, and your hormones have regressed to the mental age of 17, shut up and smile a little condescendingly and nod.
Say nothing, zip it, dont reciprocate, and whatever you do, DON’T go to bed.
If you do, chances are the very next day, he will tell you how ‘lovely you are’, but he has a lot on at the moment, and he doesnt see the relationship going anywhere.
Yes, it can happen to you.
Sorry, just careful, and yes i’m afraid, you still have to play stupid games, that you long to leave behind with your teenage years.
Written by : Lynnmargaet
Contact Divorce Advocate at email: divorceadvocate@aol.in
Ph:- 9962999008
My comments for the purpose of this article are aimed at older women.
Ladies, don’t you think that men, at the mature and life experienced age of their early fifties, would have abandoned the idea of talking vebal…. vebal what? yes verbal that!
Well alas, it may not be so, still pours forth.
I read in the paper recently, an article about separation and relationships and a very interesting statement was made, ‘men give love for sex, women give sex for love’.
And they are still doing it, years later, when they should know better.
Let take a loose example, a lady in her late forties, is separated/divorced. She is partly or wholly through the mayhem that ensues, she has become lonely for companionship and attention, and decides the time is right to go back into the world of dating. But where does she go? All her friends are married or attached and the only interest she receives is from pat the postman, who is short and giddy, and frankly does nothing for her.
So she turns to the world of internet dating. It should come with ‘buyer beware’ stamped all over it!
Wouldnt you think that the older men are now matured and looking for companionship too. Yes, yes, before you shout at me, all the men out there, we know YOU are different
Well the simple answer is no, there are still older men out there, who havent a notion in hell of settling down, committing or being Mr Right.
Loads of Mr Wrongs out there im afraid.
And just as the simple things in life are free, and simple uncomplicated advice can be best, this is mine.
Beware the man that jumps, or should I say appears to jump in too soon. Declaring undying love, coming out with the ‘old one’, ‘I will always bthere for you’, and having the audacity to discuss future trips to Italy. ALL ON THE FIRST DATE.
Run away, or if you are mad about him, at the very least, don’t go along with it. Tell him you are flattered but he must slow down and its way too soon to talk like that. Even if your heart is leapfrogging all over your body, and your hormones have regressed to the mental age of 17, shut up and smile a little condescendingly and nod.
Say nothing, zip it, dont reciprocate, and whatever you do, DON’T go to bed.
If you do, chances are the very next day, he will tell you how ‘lovely you are’, but he has a lot on at the moment, and he doesnt see the relationship going anywhere.
Yes, it can happen to you.
Sorry, just careful, and yes i’m afraid, you still have to play stupid games, that you long to leave behind with your teenage years.
Written by : Lynnmargaet
Contact Divorce Advocate at email: divorceadvocate@aol.in
Ph:- 9962999008
Friday, July 15, 2011
Social network now becames evidence in Child custody
Child custody battles can get contentious, but one couple took that to an extreme recently. Amid the messy Child Custody dispute, a woman apparently created a fake Facebook account to catch her ex-husband in a lie. It worked at first, but the tables were later turned.
The 29-year-old woman reportedly created a Facebook account for a fake 17-year-old girl with the phony name "Jessica Studebaker" and then friended her ex-spouse. She apparently initiated an online conversation with him with the hope of producing evidence that he is an unfit father.
The social networking site now becomes a evidence making tool for the unfair couples in divorce cases.
By Team Daniel & Daniel
Helpline:- 9962999008.
The 29-year-old woman reportedly created a Facebook account for a fake 17-year-old girl with the phony name "Jessica Studebaker" and then friended her ex-spouse. She apparently initiated an online conversation with him with the hope of producing evidence that he is an unfit father.
The social networking site now becomes a evidence making tool for the unfair couples in divorce cases.
By Team Daniel & Daniel
Helpline:- 9962999008.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wife is always right, says SC
Husbands wanting to lead a happy married life can rely on some useful tips given by the Supreme Court, the most important being: "Do what the wife tells you and never question her authority." The words of wisdom came from two ‘Bhuktbhogi’ judges -- Justices Markandey Katju and Deepak Verma -- during the inconclusive hearing of a 17-year-old divorce litigation between a serving Lieutenant Colonel and his wife. The vacation Bench comprising these two judges asked the counsel whether there was any scope of compromise between the two and both in unison gave different reasons to say that there was no possibility for a happy ending to their dispute. The wife's counsel said that the Rs 10 lakh offered by the husband for complete settlement of the dispute and divorce was too little as it was not easy to bring up a teenaged daughter. She was married in 1991 and was allegedly thrown out of the house in 1992 after which he had moved the court for divorce. While the trial court dismissed his divorce plea, the HC had allowed judicial separation. But on her appeal against this order, a division Bench of the HC had granted divorce to him. Terming this order as erroneous, she had moved the apex court. The husband had an altogether different story to tell. She had filed several criminal cases against him that included charges like -- `he takes bath like a dog' and `he commits sodomy'. The counsel said he had fought the cases for over 17 years and had been exonerated of all charges. "He has been ruined financially and professionally, but still wanted to settle by giving Rs 10 lakh to her for a divorce," he added. Justice Katju, while adjourning hearing on the case, decided that it was time for the husband to get a few tips from him about how to lead a happy married life. "You should always agree with her. When you agree to what she says, you will always remain happy. If she tells you to look this way, do that. And if she tells you the next moment to look the other way, again do that," Justice Katju said much to the amusement of the lawyers who were waiting their turn to argue their case before the vacation Bench. And to convince them about the usefulness of his advice, Justice Katju said: "We are talking from experience (Hum sab bhuktbhogi hain)." The writer can be contacted at : advocatechennai@gmail.com or Ph: 9962999008.
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